And then there was Lola.
Our lives changed in an instant and we couldn't remember how we had felt complete without you. You arrived in the early hours of the 8th December 2005, red and angry, warm and vulnerable, letting out your first cry as you entered the world. As I held you to my chest, your skinny limbs bunched into a ball, you fitted so snug that I could have stayed like that forever. You, the embodiement of your parents undying love, you, who I had carried inside me for 40 weeks and 4 days, you, with your squashed up face and your sticky brown hair, you, my Lola Belle, my lovely sweet girl my Lola Jane Light.
The Little Book of Platitudes
Monday, February 20, 2006
And then there was Lola.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
It's official. We've gone over the due date. That was yesterday making me now 40 + 1. The phone hasn't stopped ringing all weekend and I'm ashamed to say that I've not been taking any calls. It's a bit cowardly but I just couldn't quite face saying to people no, nothing to report, nothing really going on. See here's the thing. At the beginning of last week things looked like they were gearing up. For about 4 days I kept getting contractions, back ache and cramping. But now, it's all stopped. There's not been that much activity since Thursday. So what the hell does that mean?
We've been trying everything. Sex, curries, reflexology. Even pineapple. We talk to the bump constantly coaxing it, reassuring it with loving words. Please come out now. We love you so much. We promise to look after you to give you a home just as comfortable and warm as the one you're in now. Come out now and everything will be perfect. Please come out because we love you. We looooooove you.
Nothing. Not even a reasuring contraction to say, okay folks, on my way. So just how long do we have to wait? If I have another week at home on my own I think I could very possibly lose it.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
I opened the first window on my advent calendar today. Everyone around us is counting down the days until Christmas but we are simply counting down the days until we meet you. That's supposed to be in just two days. I'm not sure how I'll keep upbeat and keep myself busy if we go past that day.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
I went to see the mid wife yesterday for a routine check up. My blood pressure was slightly higher than normal. There was no reason why. I didn't feel tired or have a headache, my fingers and toes weren't puffy, I wasn't stressed, I hadn't rushed my appointment. Aha, I thought. It's high because I'm about to go into labour. I remember speaking to a friend who said that's what happened to her - her blood pressure went sky high just before her waters broke. So I came back to the flat, carried on as normal and then just to get me really convinced I started getting braxton hicks contractions.
All day long.
And into the evening.
It's the next morning and I feel just fine. The baby has settled, my stomach isn't contracting and I feel no closer to this child of ours coming out.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
We're now playing a waiting game. With just a week and a half to go we are so close to meeting you but neither of us knows when. We wake each morning thinking will it be today? Could it be about to happen? Or is it still a day, a week or two weeks away?
I like the fact it has finally changed seasons. Outside it is cold and the leaves on the trees are beautiful oranges and yellows. I have been through all the seasons with you inside me. From the springtime when you came into being, through to the hot and humid summer when hayfever prickled my eyes and stung my nose. Now the weather is lovely and fresh and has the smell of winter. It is just around the corner. Just like you.
I am looking forward to wrapping you up snug and warm in your snow suit and walking with you in the park. I am looking forward to warm baths and steaming mugs of tea and playing with you on our soft cream rug.
I was a winter baby too. Maybe that's why I love this time of year.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
It's 4 am. Too tired to write, too tired to sleep. This feels just like it did in those early weeks.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
It's now just 3.5 weeks until your due date, although we thought we were going to meet you a few weeks early, two days ago. I'd been having braxton hicks contractions all day, coupled with you being your most wrigglesome yet. I was feeling quite strange and wondered if maybe this was it. All I could think was don't come now, my bikini line needs waxing and I've not even packed my hospital bag yet. All the things we'd bought for you last month were still in wrappers and needed to be washed. I'd not even got round to buying any non biological powder. I'd been counting down the days until your arrival since 1st April and here I was being caught short. Needless to say, I raced home from work and spent the rest of the evening and all of Saturday morning washing, ironing and packing like a woman possessed.
You didn't come. The braxton hicks stopped but at least I have now packed my bag, your bag and Dan's bag. Oh and that beauty appointment is booked for tomorrow.